This one may be very busy.
And this one may be very hungry.
They both might be waking their mama and daddy up through the night and into the wee hours of the morning.
But they are precious and they have completely stolen our hearts. I don’t even know who I am apart from my two girlies.
I love them.
My morning runs are becoming one of the pleasures I look forward to the most. The solitude, the fresh air, to breathe, to pray. I have run variations of the same route since living in our town. I love the sameness because I am not distracted. I can focus, I can think and I can spend time preparing for my day. Maybe a good day, maybe a bad day…either way I am better off starting my day on bended knee. And that is what running has become. The only time where I can come before Him without the distraction of babies and the demands that come with being their mommy.
I’ve always had a hard time with prayer. To find the time, to make the time, to spend time and then to focus during that time. I can be in the middle of praying for family, a friend, myself and will suddenly find myself wondering how many calories I’ve burned or hoping my postpartum thighs have slimmed down. A complete rabbit trail in my thoughts. And not only am I distracted but I’m thinking on things that really don’t matter. I do not beat myself up during these times. It’s simply reality. I am human. I am a sinner. I naturally am thinking about self and am naturally focused on things external, not internal. So I find myself saying “Forgive me Father…” and I get back on track. My entire run can follow this pattern of flesh vs spirit. And I am always reminded of Paul in Romans:
“I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do-this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death?” Romans 7:15-24
And so I thank Him for his grace. His unmerited favor to me. A woman who cannot spend even 45 minutes completely focused on Him.
This past week we spent a lot of time with cousins. Friday I packed the girls in the car early and we headed off to Atlanta to visit my sister Susanna and her three children. They recently moved from Brooklyn and are renting the most beautiful little home.
Sunday we went to the aquarium with my Maryanne and Pat’s children. Unfortunately it’s so dark that we were not able to take many pictures and the ones we did take are pretty bad…
I always feel claustrophobic surrounded by that much water and sharks….eek!
Cora loved it all and tried to grab the nastiest little snake/lizard. It looked just like a snake but as the woman informed us, was a lizard. I was standing about 5 feet back and still felt shivers running up and down my spine. I don’t like snakes or anything that resembles them.
So besides me being a little bit of a wimp, we definitely enjoyed our time.
And in case you were wondering about little miss Elinor…
She’s still our angel baby. Happy, sweet and hungry. Always hungry. So with that, I’m signing off to take care of her grumling tummy. Happy Tuesday!
It seems to be a popular trend in the blogosphere to pick words for the new year. I actually think it’s a great idea but it doesn’t seem to work for me. Last year I thought I might give it a try but I can’t even remember the word I chose. I can’t remember the word I chose but I do know the word God seemed to teach me. Actually, it’s a word that I believe was put in my soul, not by my choice but by God’s leading. The daily conviction and the growing fear inside of me as I faced having another child. The drudgery of caring for a toddler while carrying around a heavy belly. The aching back, the swollen feet, the fatigue. In the early mornings, as I walked the hills in our neighborhood, up and down…up and down…I would be begging God to give me more self-control. I knew that if I was struggling now how much greater would that struggle be with an infant. Juggling breast feeding and sleepless nights with a constant and busy toddler. I knew I would fail, I would go down in flames of anger and frustration if I didn’t ask God to start His work right away. Working out 26 years of selfishness. 26 years of having a bad temper, of complaining when I felt like it…26 years of not watching what I said, what I did. After all, isn’t that what self-control is? To me, self-control is being a step ahead of myself. A step ahead of the angry words I want to say, a step ahead of the complaints I want to verbalize when someone makes a mess of what I have cleaned, a step ahead of the undeserved scolding I want to inflict because I have run out of patience, a step ahead of the self-pity I want to wallow in when I have to wash yet another pile of dishes, make another bed, fold and put away another pile of clean clothes. That I have to sit quietly when I want to share or partake in some juicy gossip. Self-control is acknowledging that I am not as important as I think I am. That I have to put myself last even when I want to be first. Self-control is quite simply being more Christ-like. And being Christ-like (at least for me) is not easy. So often I fight it with every fiber of my being. I desire so much to please Him but to please him takes time, discipline, effort and death to self. And death to self takes daily maintenance…again, more self-control. It means pouring over His word, it means spending time in prayer, it means giving up more of me for Him. It also means applying what I am learning, it means remembering what has been convicting. It means hard work. It means remembering that I am not my own but that I am His. Bought and paid for, at the most costly price.
“the price being the blood of Jesus. He finds no sharper weapon, no keener instrument of destruction than this. The redemption wrought on Calvary by the death of Jesus must be the death of this sin, and of all other sins, wherever the Spirit of God uses it as his sword of execution. Brethren and sisters, it is no slight thing to be holy. A man must not say, “I have faith,” and then fall into the sins of an unbeliever; for, after all, our outer life is the test of our inner life; and if the outer life be not purified, rest assured the heart is not changed. That faith which does not bring forth the fruit of holiness is the faith of devils. The devils believe and tremble. Let us never be content with a faith which can live in hell, but rise to that which will save us—the faith of God’s elect, which purifies the soul, casting down the power of evil, and setting up the throne of Jesus Christ, the throne of holiness within the spirit.”
-Spurgeon
I would say that the conviction of how desperately my life needed self-control started with prayer. God laid on my heart an obvious spiritual need, an area of deep immaturity and so I prayed that that need might be fulfilled. It’s not that I have never prayed for self-control before, but this was different. This was a desperate cry…in truth, begging God. I was scared to have another baby because if I am being honest, I almost hated having an infant the first time. I know a mother should never admit these things but it’s the truth. For weeks I struggled with feeling like Cora had ruined my life. My all-important life. During those sleepless nights I cried, I self-pitied and then I became angry. Then over time I fell in love with her. A deep, deep love. A love that revealed my sin and I was so ashamed. Ashamed that I could ever have looked at that sweet baby face and felt resentment…that I ever could have wished her away. My beautiful little girl. Our gift from our Father. And so as I faced my second pregnancy the memories of my first weeks with Cora began to haunt me and I knew what I needed to do. So I knelt down before the cross and begged him to bless me with a changed heart. And my friends, he has. He has been more faithful then I could have dreamed. Night after night of sleeplessness and not one angry night. Not one night of crying in self-pity. An overwhelming love for this little baby that has been there since day one…and still more love and tenderness for a toddler who tries my patience every single day. Learning to grumble less, to think before I want to say something I shouldn’t, to sometimes joke when my clean floors are muddied, to hate the harsh words that can escape my lips…The transformation though very small and inconsistant has amazed me and has deeply humbled me. It has also taught me something else. Self-control isn’t a one year word…it is a life-time word. I have only begun to see the depth of change that needs to take place. I have had the tiniest nibble of the goodness of the fruit of self-control and I find myself craving more. And so I strive on…daily seeing where I fail and knowing that it will be an onward and hopefully upward battle from here until eternity. But I will march on, a faithful soldier with him as my King, my Father and my friend.
As this new year unfolds I find myself wondering with some excitement and a little apprehension, what is His word for me in 2012?
Just in case you care to know…every morning I eat oatmeal for breakfast…sometimes with blueberries of banana but always with walnuts. (or walfins as Cora calls them)
Every morning I make our coffee in the french press. I drink at least 2 cups. I wake up looking forward to that first sip.
I always wear my slippers. Even when it is hot and they make my feet sweat…gross but true.
I am a jelly snob…my favorite flavor is raspberry. Sometimes I wonder if this jam is really that good or if I am just falling for their pretty packaging.
I also am a soap snob. I love it when my hands smell like herbs or lemon…is that weird?
I also love our new vanity (above picture) and hope to share pictures soon.
Every day Cora eats the same breakfast. She likes raisin bran and yogurt. Nan bought her Greek yogurt and now she’s hooked. She likes to let the cereal get really soggy and cries if I take it away even when it’s turned to mush. She also doesn’t mind the yogurt and cereal blending together in a unappetizing mixture.
Because of the weather we’ve been having a lot of indoor days. Cora has become a big fan of all her toys…especially any miniature people. Today they were climbing a rope and once they reached their destination would start to slip and fall…”ahhhh! Oh noooo!!!!” As they spiraled downward.
She looks out the window and wishes we could be outside. So do I. Yesterday she informed me, “It’s raining so we are stuck inside!”
Elinor hates tummy time. It usually ends with big sobs…sometimes the crying doesn’t stop as she is punishing me for being such a cruel mommy.
Every day I try to run or get some form of exercise…
and then I eat stuff like this. My excuse is that I’m breastfeeding.
Some Christmas decor remains in our home. Simply because I keep forgetting to throw it out.
Wonder if I’ll have thrown it out by the time spring arrives.
I have been busy converting our side room into a play room. Progress so far…
The day bed is against the windows. The room feels so much bigger.
The only kid thing is a rocking chair and basket of toys. I am still trying to figure out how I’ll continue arranging the room and then I’ll have to find the time to actually carry out my plans!
And my final random fact…or confession really…I watched this riveting and educational film yesterday afternoon…
I just had to know what Bieber fever is all about. (I’m always years behind with this sort of thing)Should I even be confessing this? All I can say is, the kid has true talent but in terms of being a heart throb…you must have to be 12 to really appreciate him. I just kept watching this shrimpy little kid walk on stage and girls would literally lose their minds. They would be hysterical, tears running down their faces, they were practically convulsing. Now I loved theBackstreet Boys but they didn’t make me swoon. Guess I can thank my parents for that…they were always there to remind me about what really matters and boys never made that list, let alone celebrities. I hope I can do the same with Cora and Elinor.
And that my friends is all I’ve got for you…It’s another rainy day and my toddler is yet again fighting her nap. As soon as baby is done eating I’ll have to remind Cora that nap time is for sleeping, not dragging every single toy and book into bed…I crave the silence that comes with nap time so I’m not letting her win! Happy Thursday and happy weekend!
Yesterday I woke up with the intention to be super woman. I was going to run in the morning, clean my house by mid-afternoon, I was going to go to Target and buy some curtains, I was going to finish all my laundry. Yesterday I ended up not running in the morning. I wore my pajamas ’til noon and then did yoga. I did not clean my house, I did not do laundry and I never made it to Target. Instead I dragged my lead-like legs around and thought about all the things I wished I could do.
Cora refused to nap. Instead she banged around in her room. In and out of bed…books hidden under the pillows and her “girlz” sprinkled on top of her bedding. She belted out all her favorite nursery rhymes at the top of her longs. Eventually she just stared to yell. Anything to let me know, I wasn’t winning this time.
For the sake of my sanity we went outside.
She ran. Arms pumping…a pink blur.
I tried to keep up, dragging my heavy legs and carrying this little one.
It was not a bad day at all just a tired day and very unproductive. Sometimes I cannot get my act together.
But even when I have off days these two make me smile.
My big girl is coming along so nicely. So far she has been such a good big sister. Making sure to share toys with baby sister, cover her with a blanket or find her pacifier when she hears Elinor cry.
I’m proud of her.
Last night ended with me smoking out my entire house when I preheated the oven for the pizza I was going to make. The smell of burning food still lingers…and my pizza shells sit in the fridge covered in olive oil and tomato sauce.
Thankfully this day already promises to be more organized. I have already run, I am showered, breakfast has been eaten, baby has been fed…and Target opens is 20 minutes. Here’s to hoping I accomplish at least a few of the tasks on my list. I am still learning to lower my standards. Pre-Elinor life was a little bit easier. Easy, but not nearly as good.
I hope you have a wonderful day and whether productive or not, enjoy it either way.
Our days of sickness are behind us. For now at least. I am so thankful this past weekend was a long weekend for Justin. Very providential indeed…I don’t know that I have ever needed his help as much as I did last week.
Having an extra pair of hands to hold baby or keep on eye on Cora.
The weather has suddenly warmed up. Also perfect for all of us after being cooped up inside for so long. Yesterday afternoon the three of us spent some time enjoying the warmth. Cora is back to her usual energetic self. She was so happy to be able to wonder aimlessly in the yard.
I learned something while I was sick. No rest for the weary. I found myself praying, begging God to make me better…it’s funny. I remember almost liking sickness as a child. My mom would bring me food, water, rent movies, and I could sleep and sleep and sleep…whatever made me feel better. Sickness with a toddler and infant is kinda like torture. Taking whatever meds are allowed while breastfeeding (which are pretty ineffective), waking through the night to a hungry baby and a sick and crying toddler. No sleep.
But God is so gracious. I am amazed how I can manage during those times. There are no choices to opt out when parenting and I love that. (most of the time) I know I’m tougher than I used to be.
I also know I have aged considerably. Anyone else every look at their reflection in the mirror and think, “What happened?” I think I’m starting to see wrinkles…(a topic for another day)
And speaking of aging…how about the postpartum body? Ick. That youthful body gone forever…I officially have mom hips. Oh well, they were worth every extra inch. But because of those hips I am very motivated to exercise. I started to run again after my 6 week appointment. It’s been one of the best things for me. Elinor is sleeping through the night, waking up at around 5-6. When she wakes up, I nurse her and then head out for my morning run. It makes the biggest difference to my mood. A little time alone…precious, precious time. Yesterday morning I decided to venture out for my first run since being sick. It was 20 something degrees…no problem. I bundled up and headed out. I felt great. Then my cough started to kick up a notch. By the time I was home I could barely catch my breath between coughs. Today it’s supposed to be 62 outside! Think I’ll bundle up the girls in the double jogger and take them for a run. It will be my second time using our double BOB. The greatest craigslist buy ever. Thank you Betty for finding it for us.
I haven’t been using it because I thought I would have to use the car seat adapter for Elinor. The adapter is right now attached to our single BOB jogger. That is before I discovered this guy.
The infant snuzzler. I had not idea such a thing existed. Now she fits in the jogger no problem and also has head support. I’m hoping she’ll be as content to ride in the jogger as her sister always has been.
I’m also feeling more energized to work on projects in our home. Tuesday we went to Ikea and picked up some organizational supplies for our laundry room. Our closet system arrived yesterday via Fedex. Justin and his dad are going to install it this weekend. The final steps of organization are finally going to take place in our addition! I cannot wait to share our new room with you.
The tree is long gone and our home is back to being clutter free.
I love spending time in the living room during the afternoons. The sun shines through the windows and the whole room is filled with warm golden light.
And wherever I am, she is.
It’s a new year and I look forward to all that it promises. Both the good and the bad. I look back over 2011 and I am thankful for every single day. I enjoyed much, I cried much, I loved much, I disappointed much, I talked much, I laughed much, I sinned much…I received daily mercies, daily blessings, daily grace…I learned much and I grew much.
I welcome the year 2012 and I look forward to sharing this new year with you.
I have decided that I need to set my standards really low these days in terms of blogging. The only time for me to have enough to think, let alone blog is after Cora goes to bed and when Elinor takes her one long sleep cycle. What ends up happening is that as soon as I lay Elinor is her bassinet I am passed out…enjoying my 5-6 hour stretch of uninterrupted sleep. That sleep is very sacred to me and I won’t give it up for anything…except a sick toddler…more on that later.
Christmas has come and gone. Our celebrations really began the day Tim and Aileen arrived from Canada with their three beautiful children.
I will give you a recap of our Christmas in photos. Daddy was mostly on camera duty as I am always on couch duty (aka breastfeeding).
Christmas Eve we spent with Justin’s family. A lovely time, as always.
We love our Elinor.
* Funny Story.* Nan and Pa gave Cora a Dora mic. It came as no surprise to any of us that Cora was an instant star (at least in her own eyes). Prancing around the house and shaking her hips…singing her Dora songs. So funny. Where do they learn these things?
Our little family Christmas.
I am a blessed mommy. I love my two girls.
Christmas with my family. Although sadly, Susanna and family were not there as they had a bad stomach virus.
Yes, little Emma is wearing a sleep mask on her head.
Tuesday morning I took this last photo of Christmas. The house was quiet and peaceful. I was the only one awake…
When Cora woke up she had a fever of 102.5. Later that day she developed croup. Since then she and I have been terribly sick with congestion, coughs and fever. Today I am finally feeling functional. Needless to say our last and final holiday festivities were Christmas day. I was not even able to say goodbye to my brother and his family before they headed back to Canada. But I am thankful we did not get sick til after the 25th.
I am also very thankful God has kept this little one from catching what we have.
She continues to be her smiley sweet self.
While poor big sister is as pale as a little ghost.
So here’s to hoping we get over this soon because we are going stir crazy!
And Happy New Year! May 2012 be a year of blessing, joy, and growth for all of us!
The countdown has begun. Four more days til Christmas and we cannot wait! I am ready for daddy to be home, I am ready for Cora to open her gifts, I am ready to get the gifts out from under our tree because it is a constant battle. It is sort of cruel to put all these packages in front of a toddler and then say “musn’t touch!” But, she’s learning and has been a good girl about it most of the time but every once and a while the temptation is too great and I see her walking by with a package in hand. ”Bwook mommy! Bwook!” At least she’s a verbal sinner, always letting me know exactly what she is going wrong.
Speaking of verbal sinner…she’s also a rolling around, kicking kind of sinner. She displayed that to the world on Sunday during Elinor’s dedication.
See that white blur in the bottom left hand corner? That’s Cora, screaming and rolling off the stage. In front of everyone. See Justin? He’s trying to make a joke to hide or utter embarrassment. See Elinor? She has one shoe on. (And I perfectly planned their outfits…why do I bother.) See me? I am giggling in nervous humiliation…and desperately need a hair cut.
As my dear husband would say…“I am getting my butt handed to me” right now. Just being honest. Parenting is not so easy anymore. Actually, it’s really hard, really humbling, and really tiring.
I love this girl so much.
But because of her, I can quite honestly say the beginning of last week was the roughest it has ever been. The tantrums and then my growing dislike for my own daughter. I felt so discouraged that I called Justin one day crying and told him I felt like my heart was breaking. That all my hard work, all the love and time and energy I pour into her and all I get in return is rotten behavior and total humiliation. Then I talked with my mom. We went walking and I expressed to her how I felt. She encouraged me and told me how lovely Cora is and what a blessing she is and more importantly that there is hope! She will come around. That was the beginning of my attitude adjustment. Then Justin and I had a long, long talk…and that is where our attitude adjustment began. We have committed to some changes in our parenting style. Not things I want to share but changes that are already having a positive impact. We never thought we had the answers to parenting but we have been deeply humbled. Parenting has completely thrown us through a loop. We have a little person in our care who we often don’t understand and don’t know how to handle and has not been an easy introduction to parenting.
I have been spending a lot of time in prayer asking that God show me what I need to do to be a better mother. I am far from perfect and started realizing how much I need to step it up. Thus the reason my blog has been even quieter than usual. I am not going to sacrifice time with Cora and Elinor for the sake of my blog, my hobbies, etc. Not right now. We have had too many changes with the house and the baby and I realized that Cora was feeling forgotten which has made her very angry. I actually think that frustration started months ago with the addition and me being very tired with pregnancy. I have been committing the free time I have between breast feeding, cleaning, cooking, running errands, etc to her. We are reading tons of books, playing with toys, coloring, talking, playing outside…etc.
It’s not that I am excusing Cora’s behavior but I am realizing what I need to do. What I am working towards is her future. I can only expect so much from a two year old. We will continue to consistently discipline and trust that her behavioral change and eventual heart change is in God’s hand. I want her to have seen us as gracious and merciful despite her often inexcusable behavior. After all, where would I be without God’s constant grace, mercy and forgiveness in my own life? It’s not just consistant discipline but is also consistent love and love for my daughter is quality time.
I don’t know who has learned more during this time…her or me. It’s been rough. I am tired. I am seeing the reality of how challenging the years ahead are going to be. I am not just changing diapers, tying shoe laces, cooking food, bandaging boo-boos…but I am shaping their lives. I am their example of self-control, of love, of patience, of kindness, of grace, of mercy but more than anything I am their most constant example of Christ-likeness because I am with them every moment of every single day. I think I am really understanding this for the first time and am burdened under the weight of so big a responsibility. But along with the weight and burden is my gratitude and thankfulness that God would honor me with this job. The job of raising two little people who will one day, God-willing, glorify Him.
So that’s where I am at. Pressing on as a very imperfect but well intentioned mother…
And I want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas! Despite the seriousness of this post we are having a wonderful holiday season so far and I am so excited to spend time with Justin’s family, as well as my own. This is my favorite time of the year. No matter how old I get it never loses its magic. Hope you all have a blessed week and hopefully I’ll be back before the New Year.
And now a perfect picture to go along with this post..
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I thought I would post pictures of our house and add some thoughts on Christmas but then life happened. Life with a toddler and hungry infant, life where nap time becomes so sacred because they have napped at the same time only 3 times since Elinor’s birth…and during that time I would rather drink hot chocolate, chat on the phone, do laundry and wash the dishes…so with very few words…some pictures of our house this Christmas season.
Cora and I baked some ornaments for her own little tree. A tradition I plan on starting ’til she doesn’t want to do it anymore.
She finger painted them and we hung them…Perfect for her hands that delight in smashing anything and everything. Unfortunately they did not outshine my own tree. Ah well…who was I kidding anyways.
The little tree resides on the hutch in our new hallway…
(and one more picture that has nothing to do with Christmas and everything to do with the amazing trim work my father-in-law and brother-in-law did. where there used to be a sliding door there is now this pretty little space that leads to our room.)
The one and only decoration in our kitchen. Another miniature tree. I guess I could call it Elinor’s tree.
I went a little crazy buying 10 cent vintage ornaments this year…
A little garland I made to go above the chalk board that was instantly scribbled all over by Cora thus all the chalk in the corner. After a while I no longer have any incentive to undo the damage…
Underneath the garland is our nativity set, that is now missing one of the wise men. I’m sure I’ll find it after Christmas…most likely he’s been stashed away in the tree stand. Thank goodness baby Jesus has not disappeared. I keep trying to remind a certain toddler to keep him in the manger.
Ornaments that cannot be smashed by little hands. Once again, not nearly as intriguing as those that can be smashed.
An obscene amount of gifts…because I have a huge family and we have 12 nieces and nephews…
Beautiful paper from Target.
And see we still haven’t painted the trim or our ceiling…I know some of you are cringing right now.
I love everything to be as natural as possible.
And a couple more pictures just for fun.
And finally,the tree at night because the lights look prettiest in the dark.
And there you have our Christmas 2011 home tour!
**In honor of this post. A picture of me when I was 18 or 19…Either way…a long, long time ago. Dressed in costume for a school dance…**
Something very strange happened to me yesterday. For the first time ever Walmart inconvenienced me and it actually made me happy…but before I confuse you, let me backtrack…
Yesterday I decided to take the girls grocery shopping at my least favorite place on earth-Walmart. It may be inexpensive but that is all it has going for it. I hate the place…hate, hate, hate…darn those cheap prices. I try to blast through but wait! You cannot go quickly through Walmart. Everywhere there is display stuff blocking the aisles and making it impossible to skirt around the person who is slowly pushing their cart along apparently interested in every last item that is a supposed good deal. The food aisles are always blocked with two carts…people staring blankly at the millions of choices. I try to push through as my two year old reaches for every kind of food we don’t need. ”No Cora! We don’t need that! Put it back!” Plop! It’s in the cart. Then I always get the very front of the store and realize I missed something a mile back…so I turn around and dodge all the other carts trying to find what I’ve missed. Then my favorite part comes. The check out line. I try to find the line that looks like it’s moving the fastest. Who knows, maybe it’ll be 15 minutes? 30 minutes? I play the guessing game. The person in front of me will wait until the cashier has rung up their entire cart full before taking their check book out of their purse and slowly filling it out. My toddler grabs for everything within her reach…oh, the cruelty of putting bright colored candy at the checkout.
I finally checked out and left. I loaded the girls back in the cart, drove home to the shrieks of a hungry baby. When we got back I fed Elinor and started to unpack the groceries…and realized half my stuff did not come home with me. In frustration I called Justin and told him it was my lucky day….two trips to Walmart. He came home from work, I stuffed down some dinner and left. After all, I had less than 2 hours before I had to fee baby again.
That’s when my day turned around. I sat in the car and realized something…what was I hearing? The deliciousness of nothing. Total silence. No crying, no demands for a sippy cup, no babies in the back. I turned on the radio to a station that is definitely meant for people younger than myself. I blasted that music. I felt like I could laugh, cry…a mixture of emotions. I wanted to go faster and faster…but I am a mom now and I maxed out at 5 miles over the limit. It didn’t matter. I felt like I was soaring. Justin Timberlake came on the radio and I was 18 again. No responsibilities, just me and my car…fun music, a good beat and I turned it up a little louder. I admit, I’ve always loved Justin Timberlake’s music, especially his album Justified. Can’t help it. And to hear a song that was popular 8 years back (GASP! I am getting old) it felt good! Then another song came on. A song for todays 18 year olds. The lyrics something like “I work out, I work out. Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle.” Wiggle what? I neared the red light and in shame turned down the music. I felt like the whole world would know that I, a mom was listening to such a ridiculous song …the radio whispered, “I work out, I work out.” Then it clicked. I saw my two car seats in the back and suddenly I was not 18. The “wiggle” song had ruined it for me. I mean really.? “I work out. Wiggle, wiggle?” What is music coming to.
I arrived at Walmart. Parked my car. Went to customer service. They did not have my bags (I hope the ladies that were behind me are enjoying their bag full of goodies) so they sent me back through the store the gather my stuff. Once again, I tried to go through the blocked aisles quickly. I grabbed Thomas the Train orajel, dental floss, makeup (the lip gloss i bought earlier was sold out), black beans, onions, the Starbucks hot chocolate mix I carefully selected was no longer available. I felt myself getting annoyed. I brought my items back to customer service, they matched my items to my receipt. They refunded me my money for the things I could not find…or so I thought. On arriving home I realized they did not give me my money for the Starbucks hot chocolate…they just gave me a receipt.
I walked into a home with one little girl asleep, a baby who had just been bathed…a very kind and loving husband. I felt renewed, relaxed…I told him about driving and blasting my music. He said, “You felt 16 again, didn’t you?” I said, “No 18. That’s when that song was big. I had that album and listened to it all the time.” He smiled. He understood…we both remember those days of freedom long, long ago. I wouldn’t trade this life for anything but I have to admit…I enjoyed my 10 minutes of the 18 year old me…a delightful little blast-from-the-past…
Wiggle, wiggle.