A few months ago the very talented Sam Griffin ( http://samgriffin.zenfolio.com) took some pictures of Cora.  I thought I would share some of my favorites with you…although there are so many I love, it’s hard to choose!

Well, this post was going to be just pictures.  But I have to write…I have to get some thoughts out of my system.  Bare with me…

Lately I have been feeling tired.  I know I say this a lot.  I don’t mean to complain.  I have come to realize this is motherhood.  It’s tiring.  I see pictures of myself a few years ago and I think, “who is that girl?”  I look so young and carefree.  No dark circles under my eyes, no stress…a more youthful body.  I look like a girl not a woman.

I always wanted to be a wife and then a mother…no dreams of being anything else.  When God brought Justin into my life these dreams became a reality.  I became his wife in less then a year…two years later we had a baby.  We are a family.

I look at pictures of myself a couple years ago…I might have  looked better but I can honestly say  I did not feel better.  I see a very selfish 22  year old.  I did not love my husband like I do today…and I certainly had not learned to live daily serving a little person. I served myself.  When God brought Cora into my world there was a time when everything seemed to come crashing down around me.  All of the sudden my easy little life ended.  In one day I became a mother…the one to feed, comfort, change, clean, stay up for hours at night, love and care for my baby.  Inside I was fighting the breaking of many bad habits…it hurt too much to have to grow up. My plan was to be a mom…but it was not my plan to have to change!  It humors me now to realize how clueless I was.  But God is good…he works wonders…miracles in our hearts.  In no time I had adjusted to being a wife and mother.  There were and still are days where I want to throw up my hands, admit defeat…but my love for Cora grows every day as does my patience.  I thank God for her…I was not owed her.  She is a gift.  My love and respect  for Justin has grown.  I loved him when we met…but now?  There is not a better man in the world.  He is a gift as well.  Yes, God is good!

I look forward to seeing how much growth there is 10, 20 years down the road…I have full confidence that God will continue to mold me and work in this little family.  The breaking and the maturing is always hard but the reward is worth it.

Andrew Peterson is one of my favorite Christian artists.  He may have a nasal voice…but the passion with which he sings!  Many nights in college I fell asleep listening to his music.  When my brother Tim became a daddy, I remember thinking this song was perfect for him.  Now I think it’s perfect for Justin and I…and will only ring more true as our family grows.

Family Man

I am a family man
I traded in my mustang for a minivan
This is not what I was headed for when I began
This was not my plan
I am a family man

But everything I had to lose
Came back a thousand times in you
And you fill me up with love
Fill me up with love
And you help me stand
’cause I am a family man

And life is good
That’s something I always knew
But I just never understood
If you’d asked me then you know I’d say I never would
Settle down in a neighborhood
I never thought I could

But I don’t remember anymore
Who I even was before
You filled me up with love
Filled me up with love
And you help me stand

So come on with the thunder clouds
Let the cold wind rail against us, let the rain come down
We can build a roof above us with the love we’ve found
We can stand our ground
So let the rain come down

Because love binds up what breaks in two
So keep my heart so close to you
And I’ll fill you up with love
Fill you up with love
And I’ll help you stand
‘Cause I am a family man

I’m saving my vacation time
For Disneyland
This is not what I was headed for when I began
This was not my plan
It’s so much better than