A Much Needed Retreat to Gain Much Needed Self Control

Today I thought I would introduce you to my favorite room in our house but first some background to why I love this particular room so much. Not only is it my quiet place for devotions, the place I read my magazines, the place Justin and I watch our favorite shows and have Friday night in home dates…it is often my source of sanity.  My retreat so I don’t jump headlong out of a window. (which would only be about a 4 foot drop with some window boxes to break the fall)

Yesterday was one of those strange days.  We got up.  We ate breakfast and Cora played for a while.  I decided to try and put her down for her nap.  She slept about 10 minutes and woke up screaming…and did not fall back asleep. Instead of being frustrated I got her out of bed, bundled her up, and we went for our morning run.  It’s amazing what my hair is like in the morning…

It was 40 degrees so I piled some mismatched clothes on Cora.  She looked so cuddly and cute.

I ran and she sang the entire way.  We came home and  I showered, we ate lunch and went to run a bunch of errands.  All the while I was keeping in mind her afternoon nap time.  Her time, my time…right?  She was so sleepy by the time we arrived home that I could barely keep her awake as I transferred her from the car to her bed.  She lay down with her bottle and all was silent.  Ahhhhhhh…but then I heard her talking, then giggling, then banging her bottle.  I heard her stand up, sing, bang her bottle more…I went into her room.  She had a dirty diaper.  I changed it and laid her back down.  No sooner had I closed the door she was standing, talking, giggling, singing…you get the picture.  My mood started deteriorating fast.  I was so angry.  I thought “Why can’t you just sleep!!!!!!!”  I was livid.  If I were a baby (which I really am so much of the time) I would have been rolling around, limp and screaming on the floor.  I would have been throwing my toys.  Soon her giggling turned into a fit.  She was screaming and inside I was screaming.  We were both being dramatic.  I know all you moms have been there before.

So I quickly retreated to my favorite room in our house.   It is my therapeutic room.  It blocks out her screaming, is always sunny and bright…and has a comfortable place to sit. I drank hot cider and made myself regain some self control.

Even the pitcher is reminding me to give thanks to God…I should have the written across my forehead….especially on days like yesterday where I completely let my self control go.

So now you know where I spend much of my time.  Hopefully if I spend time there today it will be for good reason.  My immaturity never ceases to amaze me…Having Cora has made me realize something about myself.  I am a control freak and I like my own selfish time.  I was talking to a sweet woman at church on Sunday.  We were planning when to get together and she asked about Cora’s nap time.  I laughed…”she is so unpredictable…I cannot rely on her napping so don’t even worry about it.” She said her first daughter was the same way and she just had to learn to deal with no alone time…no down time during the day.  I am stubborn, I bang my head against the wall…because I want my way.  I am thankful for God’s breaking me.  My mom can attest to the fact that I am as head strong as they come…and isn’t it funny that a baby is chipping away so much of that foolishness?

Wikipedia defines self control as “the ability to control one’s emotionsbehaviour and desires. In psychology it is sometimes called self-regulation.” It follows up by saying ” Self control under No Pressure: “When you are free and there is no competition, you do what you feel. Your self-control is based on how you feel and since there is no one to compare yourself to, you may be less motivated or more motivated depending on the urgency of whatever you are doing.” And that my friends is my struggle.  For 24 years it was all about me and now it’s all about her…I am not competing with anyone BUT I do compare myself to the woman I should be in Christ. I am still transitioning from no pressure to “Good Pressure: When you are in a competitive yet non-judgemental and non-prejudicial environment, you want to be like those around you. You become motivated and inspired and gain self-control.”  I do want to be like so many mothers I see around me but more than anything, I want to be the gracious, kind, loving, patient mother I can be in Christ.  Because he will give me strength and He will give me the self control I need.

9 Responses to A Much Needed Retreat to Gain Much Needed Self Control

  1. Anna says:

    First of all… I love the title of this entry. Second… I love that you do in-home Friday night dates… so do we. :-) Third… I love that you posted a picture of your hair before a run. Amazing… I should so post a picture of what my hair looks like right now. :-P

    And YES… I have been there before. The other night, in fact.

    What a beautiful retreat room. Thanks for sharing so honestly.

  2. LeAnna says:

    I am so enjoying your blog. Your realness is refreshing. Yes, we’ve been here and done that and some of us still have ringing in our ears from it. Ha. :) Your home is SO beautiful!

  3. bchallies says:

    I love your honesty as to sin and you desires as to holiness! Mom

  4. maryanne helms says:

    Wouldn’t it be hilarious if you pitched yourself out of the window and the peeping Tom was strolling by at the same time?

  5. Susanna says:

    I read every word of this and am so thankful for your honesty and for your desire to be the godly woman you are despite all the uncertainty that comes with mothering! you are learning lots already!:)

  6. hub says:

    pitching yourself out the window & “we give thanks to God” pitcher in one post…..

    i’ll pitch you this :) I love seeing my sweet ladies in the mirror!

    Love you!

  7. Danelle says:

    @maryanne helms:
    haha! oh boy I need to backtrack and find that post!

  8. Anna says:

    @LeAnna:
    I’m happy you two found each other! Hehe…

  9. Jessica says:

    Great post, Grace. That room is so beautiful and I can see why you love it so much.

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