My Two Girls
***Warning! Writing with major mommy brain…so expect many typos, rambling…and things of that sort***
I’m amazed how much easier having an infant is the second time around. Obviously the lack of sleep is never easy but I was prepared this time. I knew what to expect and I find myself resigned to the fact that I will not sleep for months. Cause that’s just the way it is. And this baby is a champion sleeper so far. I’m setting my alarm every 3 hours at night to feed her…or I fear she would never wake up. She sleeps, and sleeps and sleeps. Sometimes I worry she sleeps too much. Cora was never this lazy a baby. Maybe this is foreshadowing to a more laid back personality? One can hope…
We really are in love with our two girls. Big sister is adjusting so well. Other than being emotional she is sweet to the baby. She doesn’t give her any attention most of the time but when she does it is usually to hush her or kiss her. She also tries to swing and rock her…with a little too much force.
We’ve been trying to stick to somewhat of a routine. Sunday we went to church, Wednesday we went to my mom’s house. Things that Cora is used to having in her week. And I’m really trying to be intentional about spending time with her outside, or coloring…not just putting her in front of the TV. I’m also taking on her bath at night (Justin used to do that while I did dishes) so that we can have a little bit of time together. Something a lot of older and wiser mothers suggested. I’m feeling a lot of guilt these days…can ya tell?
She’s growing up fast. And when I came home she almost looked like a stranger to me. A big girl I didn’t recognize. That was my first big melt down. I’ve had three and all three have been about Cora. It was so strange…my heart instantly fell in love with Elinor and I almost felt like a traitor to my first born. But each day I adjust, we adjust and it’s getting better. And I thank God he makes it so easy to love another baby. Because this tiny girl has stolen my heart.
And we had our first funny parenting experience with two girls. We decided to pick up paint for the addition (Which is almost complete!!!!) and stopped by the Chick-Fil-A drive thru. As we pulled up to order Elinor start to scream and cry. As Justin was about to order our food Cora yelled over top of his voice “I would like a number 8 with water, my big girl chair and trick-or-treat!” Needless to say the girl couldn’t hear a thing Justin was trying to say. Cora kept ordering random things and Elinor kept screaming. When we pulled up to the window we were both laughing hysterically. I know the girl didn’t think it was funny…but we did. Life is just a wee bit more complicated now and louder. The noise level has definitely gone up.
And every day I wake up feeling great. Tired but great…and then 5 o’clock rolls around and I almost panic. A wave of sadness hits me. I remember that exact feeling with Cora. It’s the feeling of intense fatigue and the realization that I cannot sleep away the fatigue. I’ve been praying through those emotions because they are real but I know that tomorrow she’ll be a year old and the next day she’ll be two. I’m trying to treasure these moments at 2 am when she’s snuggled against me…so tiny and vulnerable. Needing me and only me. I find myself kissing and kissing her warm fuzzy head.
And so my days are blurring together. I know I will look back and I won’t even remember them. The sleep deprivation erases everything…but I do know that God is so merciful and every day I see his goodness and kindness in my life. I feel him refining my character every day…molding me into exactly what I always hoped to be. A wife and a mother. I sit and I look at my husband, I look at my two girls and I truly feel like my cup overflows. It’s not easy, it’s not a picturesque and dreamy life…but I am blessed. I am blessed beyond belief and for that I am thankful.