My Two Girls

***Warning!  Writing with major mommy brain…so expect many typos, rambling…and things of that sort***

I’m amazed how much easier having an infant is the second time around.  Obviously the lack of sleep is never easy but I was prepared this time.  I knew what to expect and I find myself resigned to the fact that I will not sleep for months.  Cause that’s just the way it is.  And this baby is a champion sleeper so far.  I’m setting my alarm every 3 hours at night to feed her…or I fear she would never wake up.  She sleeps, and sleeps and sleeps.  Sometimes I worry she sleeps too much.  Cora was never this lazy a baby.  Maybe this is foreshadowing to a more laid back personality?  One can hope…

We really are in love with our two girls.  Big sister is adjusting so well.  Other than being emotional she is sweet to the baby.  She doesn’t give her any attention most of the time but when she does it is usually to hush her or kiss her.  She also tries to swing and rock her…with a little too much force.

We’ve been trying to stick to somewhat of a routine.  Sunday we went to church, Wednesday we went to my mom’s house.  Things that Cora is used to having in her week.  And I’m really trying to be intentional about spending time with her outside, or coloring…not just putting her in front of the TV.  I’m also taking on her bath at night (Justin used to do that while I did dishes) so that we can have a little bit of time together.  Something a lot of older and wiser mothers suggested.  I’m feeling a lot of guilt these days…can ya tell?

She’s growing up fast.  And when I came home she almost looked like a stranger to me.  A big girl I didn’t recognize.  That was my first big melt down.  I’ve had three and all three have been about Cora.  It was so strange…my heart instantly fell in love with Elinor and I almost felt like a traitor to my first born.  But each day I adjust, we adjust and it’s getting better.  And I thank God he makes it so easy to love another baby.  Because this tiny girl has stolen my heart.

Hopefully she and Cora will be best friends some day.

And we had our first funny parenting experience with two girls.  We decided to pick up paint for the addition (Which is almost complete!!!!) and stopped by the Chick-Fil-A drive thru.  As we pulled up to order Elinor start to scream and cry.  As Justin was about to order our food Cora yelled over top of his voice “I would like a number 8 with water, my big girl chair and trick-or-treat!” Needless to say the girl couldn’t hear a thing Justin was trying to say.  Cora kept ordering random things and Elinor kept screaming.  When we pulled up to the window we were both laughing hysterically.  I know the girl didn’t think it was funny…but we did.  Life is just a wee bit more complicated now and louder.  The noise level has definitely gone up.

And every day I wake up feeling great.  Tired but great…and then 5 o’clock rolls around and I almost panic.  A wave of sadness hits me.  I remember that exact feeling with Cora.  It’s the feeling of intense fatigue and the realization that I cannot sleep away the fatigue.  I’ve been praying through those emotions because they are real but I know that tomorrow she’ll be a year old and the next day she’ll be two.  I’m trying to treasure these moments at 2 am when she’s snuggled against me…so tiny and vulnerable.  Needing me and only me.  I find myself kissing and kissing her warm fuzzy head.

And so my days are blurring together.  I know I will look back and I won’t even remember them.  The sleep deprivation erases everything…but I do know that God is so merciful and every day I see his goodness and kindness in my life.  I feel him refining my character every day…molding me into exactly what I always hoped to be.  A wife and a mother.  I sit and I look at my husband, I look at my two girls and I truly feel like my cup overflows.  It’s not easy, it’s not a picturesque and dreamy life…but I am blessed.  I am blessed beyond belief and for that I am thankful.

10 Responses to My Two Girls

  1. Betty says:

    Such an excellent, honest post Grace. You had me dying laughing (Cora is hilarious) and then tearing up at the end. So thankful that this time around is going smoother and for the ways God is working in you (and in me, hearing about it from you!). Love you, can’t wait for tomorrow.

  2. this is so sweet… the pictures are so pretty. your girls are beautiful. i want an outfit like cora’s. : )

    i totally know what you’re talking about with the traitor to the 1st child thing. i felt the same. it definitely gets normal after a little while – you don’t feel bad about being with one over the other for certain situations, and you realize that somehow your heart is big enough for two little things!

  3. LeAnna says:

    Awww, all three of you girls are precious! I think Cora looks like your Hubby, and Elinor looks SO much like you. 🙂 I totally cracked up about C ordering at the drive thru, that is hilarious.

    Isn’t it crazy how after you start holding such a small one again you feel like your first born is a giant? Funny, that perspective. 🙂 The feelings of guilt and inadequacy ease over time, just like Carissa said. I like to think of it as teaching our children young that there is always room in our heart to love one more person!

  4. Shala says:

    Thanks for posting during this busy time!! Your family is so sweet!

  5. I always enjoy reading your posts! It brought back a flood of memories of how i felt when we brought Jacob home and then again with Maddie. Although my guilt was more with Maddie, Jacob had a very difficult time adjusting and Kaylin had adjusted so quickly.

    And night time bath-times, great idea! I used to make myself a cup of tea in the afternoon when Jacob was sleeping and sit beside the bath and let Kaylin play and talk and play somemore, those become really precious times for me and for Kaylin.

    Love the pictures!

  6. Danelle says:

    oh my gosh. Cora is so funny! I’m glad you’re being thankful even when you just want to sleep.

  7. Anna says:

    Elinor is beautiful, Grace. She looks like a porcelain doll.

    I’m glad Cora is adjusting well. I cracked up at the Chick-fil-A drive thru story. AJ and I have had several experiences where both kids are crying and all we can do is look at each other and laugh.

    And the 5 o’clock wave of fatigue and anxiety? I didn’t know that others went through something so similar. I definitely do.

  8. Beth says:

    I agree with Betty…I busted out laughing at Cora and then teared up when I read your honesty and love for Elinor. I am catching myself nodding my head in agreement with so many of your comments. I, too, so enjoy Colson just needing me and only me right now. We will both cherish it more the second time because we know how quickly that changes. I hope to see her (and you and Cora) again soon!

  9. maryanne helms says:

    Glad you are adjusting well. It is SO much easier the second time around….)

  10. bchallies says:

    You – and we – are blessed!

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