When I look Inside

I woke up this morning at 6:30 in a panic.  Elinor has started to sleep long stretches…7:30pm-6:00 or 6:30am.  My body is still having to adjust to getting more sleep.  I am so used to being up that when i don’t hear her all night long I worry something is wrong.  I rushed into her room to find her stretching out her little arms…I scooped her up, thankful that she was fine.  These hours of uninterrupted sleep feel so well deserved after months of sleeplessness.  I also woke up to pouring rain…and it is still coming down hard.  Sometimes I love rainy days as it gives me the perfect excuse to not run and to shut our little family inside. There is something satisfying about having to be forced to break routine.

The only bad thing about rainy days are we can’t play in the yard.  Like any toddler Cora has so much energy.  I doubt there is any hope for a nap today if I cannot find some way of tiring her out…

I have almost become superstitious about how easy a baby Elinor is (not really).  God has been so gracious to give us a low key second child.  I know she most likely will sprout a terrible temper any day but for now I am enjoying the smiles, the giggles, the quiet…the contentment.

I am in love with her fuzzy head and big teeth.  She is a bundle of absolute cuteness.

I’ve continued to spend a lot of time working on little details in our house.  I am almost finally finished piecing together our room…maybe someday I’ll actually show some pictures of it on this blog!  I was at TJ Maxx last week and was so thrilled to finally find the perfect table runner.  Very inexpensive and just right for our kitchen.

Our kitchen continues to be my favorite room in our house.  It’s alway perfectly sunny and cheerful.

And other than child raising, house keeping, dinner cooking, outside playing…I have been spending a lot of time reflecting on self and motherhood.  I heard a sermon last night where the preacher said that when you are God’s child he will shatter you into pieces and start to rebuild you.  But sometimes I find myself in places where I will not allow myself to be shattered.  I feel God’s conviction in my life, I hear myself saying, doing and thinking the wrong things but I harden my heart.  I find myself ignoring the conviction I feel within.

I have decided the worst place I can be in as a believer is being in a place of passivity.  Where I fill myself with nothing of substance.  I am not committing some big, bad sin so I am not even aware of the slow leak that is happening. I read God’s word but I do not meditate on it.  I pray but I don’t cry out to God. I live each day doing the bare minimum.  Suddenly I notice my thoughts, my actions, my words reflecting the sinfulness that is in my heart.  The sin has made its way into every part of my being.

The gifts and the riches in Christ are indescribably good.  So why do I waste so much time quenching what He is so ready to give?   Thank God for breathing his life giving word to men that I might be able to partake in the beautiful richness of His answers, His promises, His truth.

“When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members.  What a wretched man I am!  Who will rescue me from this body of death?  Thanks be to God-through Jesus Christ our Lord.  So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.” -Rom. 7:21-26

And I am so relieved to be reminded what a good and kind Savior I serve.  He knew.  He knows.  That is why he sent his son to die for me.  Because I had nothing, was nothing, am nothing.  Nothing but a sinner.  A wretched and wicked human who deserves eternity apart from him.  I can’t do anything.  He did it all.  Sin and death were forever conquered on the cross.

“Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering…But if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness.”-Rom. 8:1-11

Now if i would just forever remember the gift that I have been given.  If I would live each day in thankfulness to Him.  If I would serve Him faithfully day in and day out, if I would love as He wants me to love, if I would live as He wants me to live, if I would act as He wants me to act, if I would grow as He wants me to grow. If I would just walk closer and closer by His side.   I cannot imagine the reward, the gift, the blessing of a heart and mind continually transformed by Him.

“In all things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  For I am convinced that neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.-Rom. 8:39

Obviously perfection on earth can never be achieved. That is fulfilled in the promise of eternity…a new heaven, a new earth. But the sanctifying process is never over.  As long as I am living and breathing He is at work.  I pray I will allow Him to work in my heart, my mind…that I might become the woman He has made me to be.   Self and sin becoming less and less the makeup of who I am and being replaced with the eternal and unchangeable beauty of Christ-likeness.

“For I am His and He is mine.  Bought with the precious blood of Christ.”

In Christ Alone

7 Responses to When I look Inside

  1. your decor touches really are speaking my language. i love your style.

    your girls… they are such pretties! i think they are looking more and more alike.

    i have been thinking a lot about the new heaven and new earth lately… just realizing that our strivings will cease one day and everything will be as they should. oh what joy that brings me to think of it! until then, praise Jesus he is not finished with us yet. i hear ya girlie!

  2. I love the occasional rainy day as well. Its fun sitting around a table crafting, or colouring and listening to the chatter. Although I hear ya on the energy levels if they can’t get outside at all. Your decor looks wonderful!

    I just started reading Respectable Sins, so far its good. A reminder of the daily “regular” sins that we seem to treat as not so bad, unthankfulness, anxiety, ungodliness, jealousy, etc. So far its beens a good wakeup call for me. Its good to meditate and stop and remember the grace that has been given. Great post!

  3. bchallies says:

    Thanks for sharing your mind, heart, and babies! I love to hear how God is changing, sanctifying you!

  4. maryanne helms says:

    I love your thoughts, too! It is interesting to hear you speaking of the very things I have been thinking on, and reading about in The Disciple of Grace. Jerry Bridges commentates so well on the notion of what it looks like to live a redeemed life. He emphasizes that we will be tired from the trying. We should feel tired from the struggle, if we are really working toward sanctification.

    Lately, with Emma’s lice and now her broken arm, I have felt less physically, but more mentally tired. And so I know that God is at work to soften and strengthen me. But it doesn’t always feel good:)!

  5. Susanna says:

    I love your pictures and I love the vase on the table! Mason jars are always beautiful when used around the house! Are those flowers from your yard? So pretty!!

    I feel like as I get older and as I am a mom longer and longer, my thought life is so hard to explain from day to day but I guess the underlying theme would be that I really feel so aware that there is another place I am meant for. That C.S. Lewis quote is a good one about realizing you are meant for heaven. “If I discover within myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.”

    Love you!

  6. Betty says:

    Beautiful and so convicting Grace. I am so quick to fill my head with trash, rather than reading/listening to God’s word/books/sermons. It’s so much easier to NOT be convicted when I’m on facebook/watching trash (in fact, I start feeling a little self righteous…). As always, your house and babies are beautiful. As I was looking at those pictures I keep thinking you need to come down here and help me decorate!

  7. LeAnna says:

    Beautiful girls, and beautiful home (as always!) but I love your mothering thoughts the most! Mothering is such a big part of our sanctification process. I think it’s harder, and requires more humility than you ever thought possible. We live in a world that wants us to become so comfortabl with sin and the lack of God, that we have to really be reminded that His chastisement, though painful at times, is necessity. I don’t want to be complacent. So thankful my rest is in Jesus and not in my own self. I’m weary enough as it is! 🙂
    Have a lovely weekend, lady.

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