Where I am
I have written about 5 blog posts over the past 4 months. None of which I have posted. I decided that today is the day. The day I jump back into blogging…maybe.
We have been enjoying our summer so far. Girls are busy as usual. Lots of time outdoors…
The girls play together all day long. This means frequent battles but also a lot of love and a lot of laughter.
Cora is as strong-willed as ever. A very devoted older sister who gives “Nora” kisses whenever she gets in trouble. I can be sure she will be the first to alert me if her sister is hurt. (we have a lot of fake injuries in this house with two drama queens) She plays all day long and often locks herself in her room to keep little sister from bothering her.
Our litte Elinor is just sweet. She is happy, happy, happy. Always buzzing about, following Cora…wanting cuddles throughout the day. We enjoy her. She is 17 months old which to me is when babies are their absolute cutest.
She is saying a lot of words now. She loves to follow me around saying, MOMMY!!!! What’s that? What is it? We go over and over every object in our house, on the side of the road…I can hardly drive trying to keep up with all her finger points and curiosity.
First of all, I ran my first half marathon in February. So fun, so rewarding. I will be running another one in November…not looking forward to all the training but definitely excited about the race!
We made our annual family trip to Savannah. Always fun. Always beautiful. Although this time, not very warm.
Cora performed in her first ballet recital. Melt me…we could not have been prouder!
We went on our first trip without the kiddos. Justin had a business trip in Chicago so I tagged along. It was so much fun. I pretty much spent the entire time shopping. I didn’t buy much but I wandered the stores and spent half a day in a 7 floor Macy’s. Shopping is therapeutic for me.
We went to Wrigley Field to see a Cubs game, we took an architectural tour of the city, we ate good food…and we walked a lot. We also took really terrible pictures with our cell phones.
Please note the woman in the background…
And so life just keeps on happening. One day at a time. One moment at a time. Life. Not exactly the victory march I imagined it would be. It’s funny how before actually experiencing adult life I had so many preconceived notions. (forgive me as I reveal the ugliness of who I am) I was going to be super-wife and super-mom. I would have super-kids. I was going to do everything well, with a smile on my face….I would always be full of joy and wisdom. Every day would bring more sanctification than the next and I would conquer life….me in all my twenty years of awesomeness. Then real life happened. I am so not a super-wife or super-mom, I probably wear a frown a lot more than a smile, I am rarely full of joy and have very little wisdom. I know I am being sanctified only because God promises to sanctify his children. Can I measure it? No. Not a bit. Actually, sometimes I feel like who I was 10 years ago is a nicer person then who I am today. I am not awesome. Not a bit. Not at all.
I have learned to keep a clean house, do all the laundry, cook a healthy meal and run a million errands all in a day because doing that stuff, it’s actually the “easy” part. But still, I am not a super star. And there lies my problem. I am not supposed to be a super-anything because I am
God’s workmanship created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.And these works in Christ are so that “no one can boast. (Eph. 2:10, 9)
I can do this and that all day long but what is it worth if I am not doing it for his glory but rather my own?
Whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.“1 Cor. 10:31
I have been doing a lot of soul searching and I have to confess. I don’t like what I see. When I look inward I see a lot of me. A lot of thoughts of self-a lot of self-satisfaction or self-hatred…a crippling desire to prove self to others…needless to say, it’s all self. Self never did me any favors but separation from a holy God. When will I learn? This is why I took some time to take a break from this blog. I was tired of me. I am tired of me.
I want to be excited about Him and to be satisfied in him. I want to
grow in the grace and the knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be the glory both now and forevermore. 2 Peter 3:18
I want to grow in love. We have been commanded to
love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. 1 Pet. 4:8
I don’t love like I am supposed to. I don’t even understand this love. That is why I have been studying and studying…what does it mean to love as a Christ-follower? I know that even an unbeliever can love those that are easy to love so what does it mean to love deeply? How do I love the unloveable? I pray I learn this love. A love that we are not capable of in our flesh and is only attainable in Him.
So every time I pray I find myself crying out- More of YOU Lord and less of me. Less of me Lord, and more of YOU.
I know one day I will be old and I will amazed at how little growth I have made as a Christian. (My brother wrote about this very thing. Definitely worth the read) I will have grown because I am His and He is mine. I am bought, I am paid for and his promises are true. I am his workmanship, I am created for His good works…so I will grow. But I now realize what my brother wrote is true.
Every Christian will die much more holy than he was when he first put his faith in Jesus Christ, but a lot less holy than he would like and probably a lot less holy than he would have imagined.
Sanctification. Not the “please be easy” road I hoped it would be. So I am left exactly where I should be. Clinging desperately to his word.
hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful…and faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
And I am certain. Certain that he is faithful and that I know
that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Rom. 8:28
Sorry for the soul dumping. I have always wanted to blog to be a true reflection of who I am and what do I have to hide? May I boast only in Him. Soli deo gloria.
And finally, my sister shared this song with me the other day. Oh it spoke to me!