Where I am

I have written about 5 blog posts over the past 4 months.  None of which I have posted.  I decided that today is the day. The day I jump back into blogging…maybe.

We have been enjoying our summer so far.  Girls are busy as usual.  Lots of time outdoors…

The girls play together all day long.  This means frequent battles but also a lot of love and a lot of laughter.

They bring me so much joy and so much frustration.

Cora is as strong-willed as ever.  A very devoted older sister who gives “Nora” kisses whenever she gets in trouble.  I can be sure she will be the first to alert me if her sister is hurt.  (we have a lot of fake injuries in this house with two drama queens) She plays all day long and often locks herself in her room to keep little sister from bothering her.

Our litte Elinor is just sweet.    She is happy, happy, happy.  Always buzzing about, following Cora…wanting cuddles throughout the day.  We enjoy her.  She is 17 months old which to me is when babies are their absolute cutest.

She is saying a lot of words now.  She loves to follow me around saying, MOMMY!!!! What’s that?  What is it? We go over and over every object in our house, on the side of the road…I can hardly drive trying to keep up with all her finger points and curiosity.

They make me happy.

Since it’s been a while since I posted last I thought I might recap a few big events in our lives.

First of all, I ran my first half marathon in February. So fun, so rewarding.  I will be running another one in November…not looking forward to all the training but definitely excited about the race!

My sister had her fourth child, a baby boy.  Josiah Luke.

We made our annual family trip to Savannah.  Always fun.  Always beautiful.  Although this time, not very warm.

 

Cora performed in her first ballet recital.  Melt me…we could not have been prouder!

We went on our first trip without the kiddos.  Justin had a business trip in Chicago so I tagged along.  It was so much fun.  I pretty much spent the entire time shopping.  I didn’t buy much but I wandered the stores and spent half a day in a 7 floor Macy’s.  Shopping is therapeutic for me.

We went to Wrigley Field to see a Cubs game, we took an architectural tour of the city, we ate good food…and we walked a lot.  We also took really terrible pictures with our cell phones.

Please note the woman in the background…

 

 

It was such a wonderful trip but we were both yearning for our girls by the time we got back.  We are pretty lost without them…

And so life just keeps on happening. One day at a time.  One moment at a time.  Life.  Not exactly the victory march I imagined it would be.  It’s funny how before actually experiencing adult life I had so many preconceived notions. (forgive me as I reveal the ugliness of who I am)  I was going to be super-wife and super-mom. I would have super-kids. I was going to do everything well, with a smile on my face….I would always be full of joy and wisdom.  Every day would bring more sanctification than the next and I would conquer life….me in all my twenty years of awesomeness.  Then real life happened.  I am so not a super-wife or super-mom, I probably wear a frown a lot more than a smile, I am rarely full of joy and have very little wisdom.  I know I am being sanctified only because God promises to sanctify his children.  Can I measure it?  No.  Not a bit.  Actually, sometimes I feel like who I was 10 years ago is a nicer person then who I am today.  I am not awesome.  Not a bit. Not at all.

I have learned to keep a clean house, do all the laundry, cook a healthy meal and run a million errands all in a day because doing that stuff, it’s actually the “easy” part.  But still, I am not a super star.   And there lies my problem.  I am not supposed to be a super-anything because I am

God’s workmanship created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.And these works in Christ are so that “no one can boast. (Eph. 2:10, 9)

I can do this and that all day long but what is it worth if I am not doing it for his glory but rather my own?

Whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.1 Cor. 10:31

I have been doing a lot of soul searching and I have to confess.  I don’t like what I see.  When I look inward I see a lot of me.  A lot of thoughts of self-a lot of self-satisfaction or self-hatred…a crippling desire to prove self to others…needless to say, it’s all self.  Self never did me any favors but separation from a holy God. When will I learn? This is why I took some time to take a break from this blog.  I was tired of me.  I am tired of me.

I want to be excited about Him and to be satisfied in him.   I want to

grow in the grace and the knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  To him be the glory both now and forevermore. 2 Peter 3:18

I want to grow in love.  We have been commanded to

love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. 1 Pet. 4:8

I don’t love like I am supposed to.  I don’t even understand this love.  That is why I have been studying and studying…what does it mean to love as a Christ-follower?  I know that even an unbeliever can love those that are easy to love so what does it mean to love deeply?  How do I love the unloveable? I pray I learn this love.  A love that we are not capable of in our flesh and is only attainable in Him.

So every time I pray I find myself crying out- More of YOU Lord and less of me.  Less of me Lord, and more of YOU.

I know one day I will be old and I will amazed at how little growth I have made as a Christian. (My brother wrote about this very thing.  Definitely worth the read) I will have grown because I am His and He is mine.  I am bought, I am paid for  and his promises are true.  I am his workmanship, I am created for His good works…so I will grow.  But I now realize what my brother wrote is true.

Every Christian will die much more holy than he was when he first put his faith in Jesus Christ, but a lot less holy than he would like and probably a lot less holy than he would have imagined.

Sanctification.  Not the “please be easy” road I hoped it would be.  So I am left exactly where I should be.  Clinging desperately to his word.

hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful…and faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

And I am certain.  Certain that he is faithful and that I know

that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Rom. 8:28

Sorry for the soul dumping.  I have always wanted to blog to be a true reflection of who I am and what do I have to hide?  May I boast only in Him.  Soli deo gloria.

And finally, my sister shared this song with me the other day. Oh it spoke to me!

8 Responses to Where I am

  1. maryanne helms says:

    So glad you are writing again. Maybe a little hiatus was just the thing! I love the photos and the commentary on life. All your thoughts are familiar to me. At varying times, I have experienced everything you touch on. So glad to ‘see” you back on here again!!

  2. bchallies says:

    I am so glad to hear your thoughts. I have missed them, and relate to them.

  3. Stephanie says:

    I’m glad you are blogging again. (I think I’ve commented once before – stumbled across your blog somehow a couple years ago I believe.)

    I so appreciate your honest thoughts on the joys and frustrations of the Christian walk – I identify with much of what you wrote here. And funny, over the last few weeks I’ve been thinking of doing an in-depth study on what it really means to show a Christ-like love. I too feel like I know very little of what this really means…

  4. admin says:

    Thank you Stephanie. Yes, definitely something I have realized recently…I know very little of what it means to love deeply.

  5. Beth says:

    So glad you posted again! The pictures of those sweet girls were well worth the wait! They are growing up so fast (and so beautiful)…

  6. Betty says:

    The song is so beautiful, and the pictures of the girls. And so true, about life. I keep thinking it will be one way, but it never is. There is no “I’ve acheived it all” phase that I thought there was. The sanctification process is long and hard, but worth it all. Thank you for all the verse references, a few of those will be on my bathroom mirror soon :)

  7. Glad to hear from you again! Loved this post and can relate so much. I’ve been reminded recently that the best “super mom” you can be is one who acknowledges her sin, who sees her stumbles and who lives in the Word. Daily going to the cross.

    Loved how you said “Sanctification. Not the “please be easy” road I hoped it would be. So I am left exactly where I should be. Clinging desperately to his word.”

    Take care!

  8. LeAnna says:

    Your girls are growing up, such pretty little ladies. Loved this post, and I can relate so much. So thankful that Christ is not just my salvation, but my justification and my sanctification. When you talk about seeing so much “self” when you look inwardly, it strikes a chord with me. Because it’s often not self glorification I see, it’s self criticism. A desire for self-affirmation. I feel lonely. I feel used. I, I, I. But it’s not about me. Not one iota. When we become Christians we are baptized into the spirit of Christ. And to be baptized means to me saturated, immersed, filled. If I am in Christ, and He is in me, I long to only see His face when I look inwardly. To see His righteousness, His glory, His continuous work in me; the good thing HE is doing. Doesn’t mean sinless perfection, but covered by the blood of the lamb. Ahhh, good things to ponder on! Get’s me all fired up and shouting. ;)

    So good to see a post from you!

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